a job applicant's woes

Hehe, it has been quite some time since i last posted something here. life's really been busy lately. as you can see, i am on the hunt for my job now.

this searching is proving to be emotionally (and financially) draining. you go to various companies, wasting all your time dressing up, doing your research and stuff, and when you get there, you have to force yourself to act cool and confident when you are actually trembling with fear inside.

sometimes i cant help but wonder why do we have to be scared of the interviewer.... it isn't as if he or she had never been in our shoes once or twice in their lives. i guess it has something to do with a human's instinctual (if i could use that word) need to be accepted.

in this job market wherein dog eats dog, i hate to say this, but i think that Shishio (the main villain of Rurouni Kenshin anime) is right when he said that "the weak shall die, and only the strong shall survive".

keh, is there really no way out of this?

and there is also this problem about some companies.... some recruitment staffs only looks on WHO the applicant knows in the company, and not necessarily with the applicant's qualifications.

believe me, i myself had been a victim of that yesterday during a job interview.

it would have been easier for me to accept rejection (hey, it happens to everyone) if i can see for myself that there are applicants with me who are better suited to the job. but what happened yesterday was that the interviewer passed this applicant who did not only fail to answer "correctly" to the interviwer's inquiries but also looks as if someone's out to eat him!

i had been so upset that i almost stormed out of the building after learning about the interview results. on a very rare occasion, my comfort food had not been enough for me to make me feel better (i was that upset).

the strange thing about this thing is that the company called me up this morning to ask me if i was able to come to their office yesterday. gah, talk about organizational skills within the company.

i told the kind lady on the phone that i had indeed dropped by their company and i was indeed interviewed, but not by the person i had been meant to be interviewed by. the lady sounded all the more confused by it and asked me who conducted my interview, and then asked me what was the result of the talk. strange, dont these people know what on earth's happening inside their own offices?

i have this hunch that this girl can't believe the results of the interview (yeah, tell me about it), and her call ended with that. i have the strangest feeling that she just might try to get to the bottom of this "mystery".

oh well, i guess God has a reason for letting me fail the first (or second?) screening process. seesh, i dont think i would like to work in a firm where i would have to constantly stay in "good terms" with the HR department. that place reeks of corruption, i tell you.

To Little Miss Proper

I wrote this poem out of sheer anger and frustration.... I apologize in advance if this does not entirely make sense... I was just trying to get it out of my system, you see.


Why is it so hard
for you to understand
the reasons for my past deeds?

Must I always act
to what you think is "logical"?
And swiftly declare me a freak
if I decide to do something
outside the norm?

I honestly can't see
what made me fall out
of your favor
when I'm certain there are people
wo did worse than I

Is that your "discreet" way
of casting me out?

Heck I'm a freak
and I'm damn proud of it!
I may stick out
like a sore thumb in your eyes

But no force can ever
make me submit
to the boring "normality"
that you so vainly seek.